cautious but excited

So I can't beieve it, but IVF worked. I am about 4 w 6d now and have my first ultrasound on tuesday. The first step was the hardest. After POAS each day since 5dp5dt i started getting really faint lines. My first beta was at 9dp5dt and it was 326. My second beta was on 11dp5dt and was 681! So far so good.

Now I really hope everything looks ok on tuesday. I have been nauseous every day. my boobs are sore--mostly at night. And I am so exhausted.

I really want to start working out again, but I am nervous. the RE told me to not get my heart rate up until there was a confirmed pregnancy so I guess it is time to stop being lazy!! I am not going to go nuts though. Probably just more walking.

going crazy

I need to step away from the computer! No more googling. I am only 4dp5dt and I am driving myself nuts. I honestly don't know how I will last until my Beta on sunday!

Since I haven't updated in awhile I thought I would post my full IVF schedule.

Aug 27--began BCP
Sept 8--began Lupron 10iu
Sept 12--stop BCP
Sept 17-Sept 23--Lupron 5iu; Follistim 225iu; 1 vial menupor
Sept 24--Trigger at 11pm with 2 pre filled Ovidrel needles
Sept 26--Egg Retrieval--9 eggs
Oct 1--Egg Transfer--transfered 2 blasts both grade 4AA; 2 made it to freeze and 1 being watched
Oct 3--B/W--Prog 16.8; E2 400
Oct 10--BETA!!

So now I have to come up with something to keep my mind occupied and not overanalyze every twinge and moment of nausea! thanks Endometrin!

The IVF journey

So apparently I am a pretty good responder. It looks like I am going to trigger tomorrow night and have the retrieval on sunday.

Today I went in for my third check (fourth is tomorrow) and after 6 days of stimming I have nice thick lining at 11mm, a bunch of follies ranging from under 10 - 18. I think a total of 14-16, but not sure. They are pretty much all on the left side though which is a little weird. And my E2 is currently 1200.

I am starting to feel a little full and bloated but not too bad. I have been drinking lots of water and some gatorade so hopefully I don't get OHSS, but my RE thinks everything looks good!

I am really excited, but still worried that this might not work.

Let the sticking begin!!

I am so excited to get moving with this IVF cycle. I went in this morning for my baseline ultrasound and bloodwork. I have 8 follies on my left ovary and 6 on my right all measuring less than 10. So that is a good starting point. Normally I have 10 on each on CD3, but I am sure the Lupron suppressed a few.

Speaking of Lupron that stuff has practically wiped me out. I am so exhausted from it. So I am really glad I get to lower my dose to 5 units.

Tonight will also be the day that Justin starts his antibiotic. He will be taking Doxycycline until the retrieval. So he can take part in the self medicating this month! As for me I will be starting with 225 units of Follistim, 1 vial of Menopur, and 5 units of Lupron. this continues until monday when I go back in for a follow up ultrasound and bloodwork!

Let the sticking begin...

moving on!

We had a huge decision to make, but I think we made the correct one. I am talking about IVF. I can't believe it has come to this. I remember first going to the RE and when we left I turned to my husband and said how invasive IVF was and how I really hoped it didn't come to that. I thought it would be an easy fix and we would be on our way.

Well fast forward about 6 months and here we are. After 2 years of trying to get pregnant we will do whatever it takes, even break out the penguin posse! They are off to kick IF's ass!! I would have tried injectibles + IUI one more time, but i almost have 5 mature follies this last time. I am fine with twins but am scared of any more than that.

I am glad we were able to make such an informed decision since I have been reading up on IVF for a couple months. Plus all the ladies on the Bump have really helped by seeing what they are going through on a daily basis. They are very strong and the encouragement they give is amazing!

I still can't believe we are making this leap, but maybe it is a leap of faith that we need.

new beginnings

well my month of no medication has ended! I really was hoping that I would be one of those "lucky" people who got pregnant on their unmedicated cycle! Actually my husband did too. we went to a music festival on saturday and I told him I wanted a beer. He looked really sad and asked if I could have a beer. He said he was hoping that it would happen naturally and I would have to start injecting myself.

Honestly though I am excited to move on and try again. I am hoping this will really be the thing that works since I will have even more monitoring. I think the whole waiting until I get an +OPK was making my follies too big! I just hope I am not too big of a baby when it comes to starting the injections. Of course I will find out tomorrow!

I am really trying to see this as a clean start. August 1 was our 2 year TTC anniversary so what better time to really wipe the slate clean in my mind, right? I remember the days when I thought I wanted to be pregrant at 30. well my 32nd birthday is fast approaching. This is why I can't dwell on the past, but rather just live in the moment. I caught myself thinking about what week I would be at now if I didn't have a miscarriage. I can't keep doing that!

heartbreak

So i don't even know where to begin. This past week has been the biggest emotional rollercoaster that I have ever experienced. From the pure elation from seeing my first BFP and seeing the look of sheer happiness on my DH's face, to the devestating news that my Beta was going down and that it was looking like it would be a loss. I can't stand the fact that this happened and when I first told my DH that it wasn't looking good I just lost it.

Then when it was confirmed yesterday I just felt numb. I really don't understand. Why is it so easy for some people? I keep trying to see positive in this. At least we were able to get pregnant in the first place. That is a positive, right?

But now I am scared it will take us a long time to get that second chance. And who is to say that that one will stick??